i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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