I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
