At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
