My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
