My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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