i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your penis caused this!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
