Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize