So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
false alarm, still single
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
