He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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