My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
