my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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