before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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