Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
