don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
