Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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