oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
