You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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