ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
