would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
