It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
