Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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