hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize