god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
