Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
