I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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