Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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