The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
