Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
