The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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