Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
