I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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