Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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