Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
