went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
