Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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