I love black thongs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
