just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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