Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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