Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
