just come out here and I will go home with you...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
