I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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