ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
