Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
