I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
