Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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