apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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