If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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