I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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