he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
