I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
someone owes me an orgasm
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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