This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
