What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
