she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
