I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
