I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
