I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
