barbara walters just said penis...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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