I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
