How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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