I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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