I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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