i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
