So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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