why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
