Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize