I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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