You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
