Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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