I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He shit in the fireplace
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
