Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
look no pants
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
