I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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