how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
why do cheetos always look like penises
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
