If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
