I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
